


forget the mission (just get out alive)

by jaxial



Series: love is a song (i’ll sing it to you) [4]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Minor Character Death, detective!hyuck, donghyuck just wants to help, hello i'm back and i hate my writing ok bye, is this fluff or angst someone explain, kinda violent?, lowercase intended, ok many deaths in fact, police officer!mark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 16:41:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20177467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaxial/pseuds/jaxial
Summary: mark can’t help but dangle on the cliff separating reason from insanity. it’s too close for comfort, or so mark thinks.donghyuck’s hand is still outstretched behind him.





	forget the mission (just get out alive)

**Author's Note:**

> hallo hallo here we go again  
this was supposed to be an espionage au but this is what it morphed into halfway through the party
> 
> song title from [whiteout conditions](https://youtu.be/v2XvW38UKEI) by the new pornographers  
++this song is DEEP go give it a listen

mark swears that he hasn’t seen this coming. then again, he doubts he ever will.

donghyuck twirls a pair of handcuffs around his fingers, icy metal spinning around honey skin. the office is dark and there’s only a dim yellow lamp dangling on a slender metal wire above donghyuck’s head. slow jazz music plays on mark’s old cassette player, guitar and drums and sugar and salt.

donghyuck gets to his feet and pulls the still shell-shocked mark into a desperate, loving kiss, all tongue and teeth and raw passion. donghyuck tastes heady, like he’s had one too many beers and a cigarette and too much smoke in his lungs. he tastes addictive and raw and simply _donghyuck _and that’s something mark won’t ever be able to resist.

“what’re you doing here?” mark straightens his rumpled uniform ever so slightly, dark blue striking against his ivory fingertips. donghyuck’s changed out of his trench coat and instead draped himself in one of mark’s casual hoodies, bright yellow like the ball of sunshine he is and just as blinding. mark guides donghyuck into a chair and twines their fingers together tightly. “it’s late, you should have been home ages ago.”

donghyuck tightens his grip and says, “i know. but i found something i think you should know.” he spins to face mark’s running laptop and keys in his passcode to the police force’s official archives, dark hair flopping over his forehead and covering his clear amber eyes. mark stiffens and moves closer, eyes trained on the rows of code appearing onscreen. donghyuck’s hand fly over the keyboard, slapping letters into spaces meant as locks; the full page appears in black and white.

“we have a lead,” donghyuck murmurs, hand coming to rest atop mark’s in an attempt to calm the raging storm inside mark’s chest. “we’ll find out who killed jeno soon.” mark nods mutely, too cold inside to actually reply. donghyuck kisses him again, this time soft, like honey.

mark moves to pull donghyuck into his lap, wide palms encircling a slender waist and he drags donghyuck down, kissing him wildly and uncontrollably. donghyuck whines, sliding his hand to tug at mark’s raven locks. mark goes deeper, into donghyuck’s warmth and his love and his scent. his donghyuck, all his and his alone.

he can’t believe his luck.

donghyuck shouldn’t be in love with him, seeing all they’ve gone through together. detective donghyuck is quick-tongued and sharp-witted, spicy and gorgeous and attracting more than just mark’s eyes; mark’s donghyuck is small and soft and sweet, smells like pomegranate and tastes of smoky ruin. mark would follow him to the ends of the world he that's where he wanted to go.

“you sure you’re okay?” donghyuck whispers against his mouth, hands roaming across mark’s shoulders and chest and neck. mark kisses a line down donghyuck’s jaw, teeth tugging at skin to leave lovely marks in his wake. he refuses to answer with words, only pressing his mouth on donghyuck’s as reassurance. donghyuck melts in his embrace, hands gripping at mark’s uniform. his badges clink against fingernails, familiar and easy.

it isn’t hard to say no to donghyuck, and it’s not hard to fall into him either.

..

mark shoves his gun closely against the stuggling man’s forehead, eyes cold and sharp. he isn’t afraid of this man and he isn’t afraid of what he might do if he loses control. donghyuck and a few others are behind him, searching the dingy apartment for incriminating evidence to prove he’s one of the many murderers they’ve been tasked with capturing. the man yells another expletive, spitting at donghyuck’s feet that wandered too close and makes a lunge for the younger man.

mark hauls him back and jabs him under the chin. he unclasps the safety with a soft click. the man freezes— he turns slowly to look at mark, who simply steps cruelly on his splayed hand. the crack of a broken bone shudders through the room. donghyuck’s denim jacket doesn’t have a single dirty handprint where the man would have left one. mark is stone-cold, unyielding under donghyuck’s concerned gaze.

the man screams, high and terrified. mark drags him forcefully towards where their vehicles are parked, sirens wailing. he shoves him into the backseat of a car, cuffs him, pats him down for hidden weapons and slams the door. the officer inside the car nod at mark and drives off, back to headquarters. mark sighs.

another man, another day. anger boils in him when he recollects the man’s dirty gaze on donghyuck’s body, his hands stretching for that one chance at escape— he fails to think that mark can be cruel under his gentle face, forgets that mark is the one holding him at gunpoint. mark seethes as he returns back to the abandoned, creaky building, where his team is turning upside down.

a voice calls out _captain_, and mark turns to see one of their forensics doctors running up to him with a ziploc in her hands— hair and a single fingernail. jeno’s dna, matched and proven to the samples found inside the house. they can’t find a body though.

mark feels like throwing up.

they abducted his best friend during a recon mission; mark wasn’t fast nor smart enough to stop them from throwing him into a car and driving into the night. a week later jeno’s bloody heart arrived at the police station wrapped prettily in a velvet box. the dna they received from the organ was jeno’s, true and terrible. mark had never wanted to kill someone so badly.

donghyuck moves out of the house, removing plastic surgical gloves. the girl leaves and runs back into the house, shouting orders into a walkie-talkie mark handed her. mark himself strides up I donghyuck and kisses him harshly, fingers cupping donghyuck’s smooth, freckled cheek. donghyuck only stares at him, amber eyes swirling with emotion. mark kisses him again.

slowly, his team files out of the house— every man and woman arranged in a neat row before mark. once, jeno had been amongst their ranks. now, they had found his murderer. he would pay dearly for the life of one of their own. donghyuck grabs his hand and squeezes it.

“good job, team.” mark says. “let’s head home.”

..

"it's not your fault," donghyuck says, grasping mark's collar as he straddles mark's lap. he tangles a hand in mark's soft hair and tugs his head up sharply. "it wasn't you. and it won't ever be you." mark inhales at the accusation and pain in donghyuck's voice, so cleverly concealed by biting words. _it hurts me just as much_, he seemed to say.

mark swallows hard, gasping through his mouth to take in large amounts of life-saving, chilling cold air. he leans his head against donghyuck's shoulder and lets the tears fall, tumbling over a cliff he had sworn never to go close to ever again. he tries to stop it, he does, but it can’t seem to stop. mark is racing full speed knowing he’s going to crash, has been doing the goddamn deed for too long.

donghyuck chases after him one a one-way ride, trying desperately to stop the crash course that will inevitably end in a devastating collision. but what donghyuck doesn’t know is that the course has already been set too long, momentum too fast to stop without burning up. donghyuck’s been slowing down mark’s steps, but not enough.

mark _wants_ to crash.

donghyuck pushes him down onto the bed, kissing away his teardrops as fast as they fall. mark stares into space, and thinks that he sees jeno somewhere out there, shaking his head because mark is a failure. he couldn’t save jeno and even if someone gave him a hundred more chances to relive his past he’ll only fail again.

mark shoves donghyuck away and curls into himself, sobs racking his body and he’s breaking, broken too badly to ever be fixed. there are cracks on the porcelain surface— scars buried so deep inside even donghyuck can’t see it. “mark hyung, please-“

_let me in_, mark can hear donghyuck begging_. I can help you_. mark ignores everything and everyone. he shuts them out.

after what seems like hours of donghyuck tugging gently at his shoulder and crying quietly, he falls asleep, head lolling on the side of mark’s arm. mark unfurls a hand like a shy petal, pulling donghyuck close after he’s completely sure donghyuck is somewhere in dreamland and not physically here. he can’t bear to let lovely, precious donghyuck see any of the ugliness concealed inside because he knows donghyuck would rip himself apart to have mark save himself. he can’t do that to donghyuck.

for the first time in years, mark sleeps on the couch.

..

hours pass. donghyuck doesn't emerge from their shared room.

mark stirs to veiled sunlight streaming in through the window, a little bright, a little too less. he moves to get up, pads into their shared room because it's too silent. he feels sorry for leaving as such, so abruptly. he knows he's hurt donghyuck.

he opens the door, hinges creaking. donghyuck is sitting before their dressing mirror, feverishly rubbing at his eyes. they're rimmed red, and when mark catches his eye, he looks away just as quickly as their gazes have met. mark sees the reproach and the sadness, the utter helplessness in his lover's frazzled appearance, so unlike his usually put-together facade, and his heart twists.

"i'm sorry," mark whispers hoarsely, resting a hand on donghyuck's bared shoulder. it's no small amount of relief he feels when the younger doesn't flinch away, but instead looks at him in the mirror, messy hair and red cheeks and all. donghyuck is still beautiful after everything he's put him through.

donghyuck smiles sadly. "you don't have to be." he brings a hand up to rest upon mark's, squeezing lightly— as reassurance to mark that he’s alright and doesn’t need mark to worry. mark presses a kiss to donghyuck’s shoulder and pads away, heart heavy.

behind him, donghyuck says, “we should go out today. get some fresh air.” it’s an off day for both of them— a day to settle all the issues between them. what he doesn’t say, mark understands.

a day away from the never-ending stress of unsolved cases; a day away from the guilt of jeno's death. a day just for the both of them. god knows how long it's been since they've had time like this. precious time is a forbidden treat to both of them.

he cleans up quickly, and when he steps out of the shower, skin still steaming, he sees donghyuck swiping a makeup brush across his already pristine cheeks. it's one of those days, mark realizes, when he sees the tight jeans and the delicate choker around donghyuck's pale neck. ink on honey, his mind supplies unhelpfully. mark approaches donghyuck on silent footsteps, eyes trained on the seductive figure before his eyes.

when he's close enough to breathe down donghyuck'sneck, he slides an arm around donghyuck's slim waist and tugs him in, trailing kisses down the exposed length of his neck. donghyuck doesn't resist, even going as far as to tilt his neck to give mark better access and to release a breathy moan when mark bites down harshly. it's going to leave a mark; too high to hide, to dark to conceal. mark grins predatorily.

"you look beautiful," he tells donghyuck. he kisses donghyuck deeply on the mouth, and pulls away. "and for the record, i really am sorry."

donghyuck only smiles and intertwines their hands. he pulls mark out of the room and out of the house, locks the door behind them, and takes off running towards the bus stop at a pace that has mark breathless. donghyuck laughs melodically, breaking free of mark's hold, runiing to where the world ends and where the skies begin. mark's hair is flying, glasses askew, and voice ringing brightly as he yells at donghyuck to slow down.

donghyuck looks carefree, as mark watches him grin brilliantly back. it's been so long, too long since mark has ever seen donghyuck seem young at all.

they've both grown up too fast, too harshly. at twenty six, mark is accomplished and striking amongst a crowd; donghyuck, only a year younger, is the best detective the city knows. they're both blinding and powerful, but growing up struggling to be heard in glittering suburbs have left scars on both of them. they haven't been young in a long, long time.

so mark chases after him, like how he should be at this age, like he's been doing since the day he met donghyuck and will continue doing until he catches up and can finally tell the younger he loves him so, so much.

..

this can't be happening. mark clenches his hands around a circular pendant, a metallic _J_ embossed in silver into cold steel. another death. another person he's just lost. mark slams his forehead onto the front head of his desk, releasing a desperate cry. this can't be happening, not again.

it was jeno they took last time. this time it's johnny, killed instantly in a fatal car crash. mark knows that it's been deliberately done, the wrecked brakes and the utter devastation they found in a ditch, all in smoky ruin. johnny's corpse was nothing but a charred piece of meat. mark feels hot tears drop down his cheeks, so at odds with his rapidly freezing heart. life is cold, he thinks.

donghyuck rushes in and pauses in shock at the blood mark is squeezing out from his palm, holding the metal circle so tightly. mark feels nothing but a dull burn when he blinks at donghyuck blankly, red dripping from ivory fingertips to the maple of his desk. liquid stains the documents on the table where coffee spilt, spreading in a brown blot. donghyuck cries hoarsely.

"what have you done to yourself?" donghyuck grabs his hand and presses a tissue to it. mark stares at vivid crimson spreading across purest white and wonders if this was how johnny spent his final moments, cold and painless. donghyuck fusses over him, trying to keep himself busy. mark can still see the tears rolling in his eyes, poised to fall at the gentlest prod.

mark inhales. "he's gone," he says, gripping donghyuck's hand as tightly as he can. the fluorescent lights atop their heads illuminates donghyuck's flushed cheeks, pink and tinged slightly paler than his usual honey gold. the younger's white tee is wrinkled underneath a bomber jacket that belongs to mark, and he knows— donghyuck is in mourning the oly way he can be without breaking down into a mess.

mark is already a mess. god knows what he'd do if donghyuck were to lose his composure and let some trace of his emotions break into the surface as well. donghyuck takes his hand and squeezes, and his hold is hard enough to bruise. "it's not your fault."

"what if it's you they take the next time?" mark whispers, pulling donghyuck down into a spare chair next to his own. they sit like that, side by side and forehead to forehead, taking in each other's scents for what seems like the last time. donghyuck shudders, holds both of mark's hand and simply breathes. mark gasps, and cinnamon and ginger fills his nostrils, all spice and fire and so, so _donghyuck_.

donghyuck doesn't answer that question. mark knows the answer anyway.

he's going to ask mark to go on without him. he would ask so much more of mark than mark can give, and to live without the love of his life is a lovely, sickening torture to mark. he won't survive it.

donghyuck cups his cheek and grabs a paper on the table, grappling at it for a while before he hands it to mark. a pursuing order is printed in neat calibri on the document, restraining orders to be put on the culprit of this terrible murder. they've taken one of their best commanding officers, one of the best men mark has ever known. headquarters has put down orders for a team to be assembled and to capture the murderer at all costs— mark is to be leader. 

donghyuck snorts halfheartedly. "seems like you're getting to be leader again. leading the dream team." mark laughs, cold to the point where donghyuck blinks in surprise. mark smiles, and it's a terrible, horrifying grimace. "i'll find this man. i'll avenge him no matter what it takes."

"don't take risks you can't afford," donghyuck reprimands, and worry colours his tone. "i can't lose you either. you'd do well to remember that."

mark nods. he might as well be walking into a death trap by taking this mission, but he doesn't care. death is a part of his job, and teh danger that comes alongside it might just be the rotten cherry on top of a spoilt bowl of ice cream.

and he's ready to do just about anything to see that donghyuck is safe and sound.

..

they’ve surrounded the empty warehouse. cars wait in a mile-wide radius around the place, and men are swarming the place, preparing to break in. mark tweaks his armored suit and presses his earpiece deeper into his ear, gun at the ready.

donghyuck is next to him, dressed in the same gear and identical fatigues. a belt of his detective tools hang around his hips loosely, knives and screws and magnifying glasses. donghyuck himself is sporting white surgical gloves, and a glock is held in his gloved palm.

mark looks at him and smiles. kisses him once before he regrets it. he gives the order.

immediately there are men kicking open doors, firing silenced rounds to shatter glass and plastic. mark himself rushes into the fray and kills an approaching man on the spot— it seems that the criminal has hired men working for him on a promised pay. unfortunately that money won’t be arriving, mark thinks. they’ve intercepted a delivery of cash hours before.

the doors are wide open— mark’s officers are inside, on an order to kill on sight if attacked. it’s do or die, seeing as the fighting is intense, guts and sinew spewing everywhere in a disgusting spray. mark delivers a sharp uppercut to a man seeking to catch him unawares; the man crashes into a pile of wood splinters, jaw broken cleanly. there are small scratches all over his arms where the wood has shredded.

another man rushes up to him, slapping his gun out of his hand because mark’s holding it in his defending arm. mark snarls and kicks at him, dodging a knife strike aimed to kill with a hit to his sternum. he clocks the man across the cheek.

fighting is just another part of him. kick, block, strike. punch, dodge, kill. it’s a repeating sequence of movements mark knows like the back of his hand, and deep inside some twisted, rotten corner of him enjoys the bloody violence he wreaks with his bare hands. mark picks up his gun and steps over the man’s unconscious body.

inside the warehouse, he can hear gunshots going around and bullets flying to slam holes into aluminum; donghyuck is somewhere out there alongside jaemin, fighting for their lives and to capture a man mark hates with all his heart. this man killed johnny. he’s the last member of this wretched criminal organization they‘ve watched take so many innocent lives and blast them to ashes.

damn them all, mark vows. they should all rot in hell for what they’ve done. the last of the hired mercenaries escape the building into mark’s laid traps, into restraining cuffs and metal vehicles for the mere crime of assisting a wanted criminal. mark smiles chillingly as he fires a shot into the skull of a fleeing figure.

the body falls to the floor with a thud. mark kicks his limp skull aside and the crack of a broken neck he hears pleases him; it also assures him that this part of his is already broken beyond repair. mark walks on into the darkness.

somewhere inside, mark hears jaemin yell in triumph. there’s the sound of clinking steel and the scent of fresh blood; it mars the walls and the tiled floor in large splotches. mark pushes open a partly closed door to reveal a bearded, dirty man on his knees, arms pulled back and bound. jaemin is holding a gun to his head while donghyuck searches the room for tools and hidden weaponry. mark knees the man in the chin for good measure. 

he’s not allowed to kill this one, because orders dictate that they want him alive for questioning. but he isn’t restricted from dealing whatever non-fatal damage he can. mark rains blows on him, cheek, shoulder, ribs, ankle. the bones crunching bring a wince to jaemin’s face.

donghyuck pulls him away when he’s already crazed with bloodlust; he wants to kill someone actually responsible for all the pain caused to mark. he knows right to wrong, morals to sins; but at that moment mark goes willfully blind and deaf to all the reason screaming at him.

he’s been careless— the gun at his hip is exposed for one second. the man’s bonds are loosed by the harsh beating he’s been given. the gun picked up and aimed at him in a heartbeat.

there’s a bang, and donghyuck is falling before him, face twisted in a desperate plea. mark goes down with him and his vision blacks. the man who’d fired collapses in a heap to the ground, judging from the dull thump he hears.

before he loses consciousness, he registers wetness on his hands gripping donghyuck.

..

donghyuck is holding his hand, head on his shoulder. mark draws him closer, arms locking tight around his lover because he can’t bear to let go. the bloody bandage wrapped on donghyuck’s torso is proof of what they’ve both lost.

mark is almost mad with relief; he thought donghyuck would be gone, and if that happened all would be lost. donghyuck is everything he fights for and everything he has left. all of that vibrant, brilliant soul, gone in an instant because mark is too careless and single-minded to see clearly what he’s been given and what he stands to lose.

donghyuck kisses him softly, bright eyes gleaming with a familiar mischief. mark was this close to losing him and yet he’d been given another chance to make up for all his mistakes. donghyuck has been giving and giving this whole time; it time for mark to give some back.

mark’s uniform is on his sculpted body, badges gleaming and his polished nametag reflecting metallic light. they’re both getting promoted, mark to an official captain and donghyuck as senior detective. they’ve moved a step higher.

mark understands that he’s killed and hurt; he knows that all the men he’s taken down have their own loves back home and he will forever own that guilt deep in his heart. there’s darkness in him, but there’s light too— light and kindness and love.

the officer onstage calls mark’s name, and donghyuck applauds proudly, smiling the brightest he’s ever seen. even that rotten part inside mark withdraws a little at the utter brilliance of it all. donghyuck is beautiful today, as he was yesterday.

mark goes onstage and delivers his speech through a haze of euphoria and glittering stage lights. there should be charges pressed against him for killing and outright murder, but weeks of therapy have led him to this— a better future and a better payday.

he’s no longer the mark lee who went mad at the death of his beloved friends; he’s no longer the mark lee who only takes and takes without considering anyone else’s feelings. up in the sky, jeno must be proud. so is johnny.

the audience claps when mark accepts his badge and stars. the metal shines bright against the navy of his uniform. mark can see donghyuck’s face in the crowd, beaming and clapping louder than anyone else. there only specks of glitter and the spotlight and donghyuck in this vivid moment. he grins widely.

mark salutes his chief.

**Author's Note:**

> spam me on [cc](https://curiouscat.me/brighterdays)
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://mobile.twitter.com/Fallingstarsluv) cuz i need frens hohoho


End file.
